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Introduce yourself to our dedicated readership.
"Hi dedicated readership. Ric is just trying to enslave you with platitudes all his own. Believe no one. I'm Alex...or am I?"
What animal does your hair most rememble, and is that the extent of your likeness?
"An icicle"
In the 80s cartoon 'He-Man and the Masters of the Universe', there was a character called 'Fisto' who had one giant gloved hand. Is this morally dubious or is it an innocent coincidence?
"It is a morally dubious innocent coincidence."
Should I organise my CD collection by style, Wham! would be on the shelf next to AntiProduct. Have you any comment on this?
"I'd say you either despised our clothing designers or you thought we were the greatest thing since The Spice Girls (and I'm not saying you're gay, even though you are.)"
Are there any quality control measures employed on the bodily products available for sale on your website, or is natural varience part of the fun?
"What bodily products?"
As it is the basis of me chosing to interview you as opposed to the scary man who has spent the past week standing outside my flat holding a metal detector, I feel I should ask you something about the music. What is your favourite AntiProduct song?
"Either 'Bungee Jumping People Die' or 'Weekend Vacation On Mars' or 'My Satin' or maybe 'If I Was Orson Welles...' on the new one. Maybe not. Who knows?"
...and your favourite in general?
"Tuna mint gum."
When is the cash-in DVD released?
"When there's enough cash to cash in on... uh, I mean show the fans the respect they deserve."
I'd really like AntiProduct to release a cover of Sinead O'Conner's 'Nothing compares to you'. Should you do this, you would have a guaranteed sale of two copies, though it is possible you would sell more. What is the liklihood of this happening?
"Prince actually wrote that song so the chances are about 86 in 100 we will record that particular song by Prince."
Who is the coolest out of each of Poison, KISS, and Motley Crue?
"CC Deville
The Dead One, Bukki
The One Who Looks Like Elvis"
Don't you get cold being naked so much?
"Well, you haven't gotten any smarter for asking all these questions. So, no, 'I guess' is my answer."
What inspired you to draw a huge toothy grin across your face?
"I no longer feel beautiful."
...and what brand of flourescent make-up do you use to do it?
"What Flourescent make-up are you talking about?"
"Day 32 in the Big Brother house and Alex is still naked." Why didn't you try out for any of the pop / model hunt or other reality TV shows on at the moment?
"I have."
Is there anything you would like to promote?
"Colin Powell to God."
(Very) finally, what would you like to happen to your body when you die?
"I am already dead and all of life is the dream I'm having in my dying moments. Why?"
