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Along with many other things Aberystwyth lacks a Disney store. Fortunately, the imaginatively named 'Birthdays' stocks ample Disney merchandise. This year they have outdone themselves. There are more toys and even higher prices than ever.
For £10 you have the choice of a small but exceedingly deformed Bambi or an even smaller and frankly pear-shaped Baloo.
While on the subject of The Jungle Book, the doll of King Louie appears to have been made using the same model as a penguin from some random film that never made UK release. Just for the record, the penguin looks an awful lot better.
For £15 you gain two inches on the £10 toy, whilst simultaneously doubling the fur moltage. It is the same malformed lump of fluff and the smile on its face is still terrifying. Regardless of what character doll you buy they all have the same fixed grimace, guaranteed to reduce your kid to a blubbering wreak in the shortest possible time.
For £40 you get a two and a half foot high Pooh Bear that look as though something is seriously wrong, I think the free shrink-wrap service may have starved its brain of oxygen. The head is hugely disproportionate and the look on its face raises real concerns about its mental capabilities. The giant Piglet, Tigger and Eeyore toys are no less bad. A fact not helped by the shop staff having positioned Tigger behind Eeyore so it looked completely immoral and not suitable for kids. Unfortunately the toys looked as if they had been designed for this very purpose and as such look as happy and at home as they get.
Then there was an enormous teddy bear, about 5 foot high, 4 foot wide and fortunately lacking a price label. This monstrosity loomed over the store, watching everything with a baleful gaze. It was truly sinister, like in Ghostbusters when Marshmallow-man appears and starts stalking the streets. This toy is going to give me nightmares and it was a horrible shade of bright, neon PINK!
The rest of the store is filed with cheap balloons, wigs and assorted party junk which just emphasises the sheer terrifying nature of the giant teddy bear.
All my childhood favourites are making a comeback - at least merchandising wise. It would appear that Disney has realised that it has not had a commercial hit film for some years and so is cashing in on those that were a success. Lion King toys are abundant and tacky, thankfully the Little Mermaid toys vanished after a brief stint in the shop window - I think they were scaring away customers. Even non-Disney characters such as Danger mouse, Peanuts, Hong Kong Phooey and those accursed Care bears. The Clangers resurgence made a fortune and so everyone is following suit, same in the knowledge that they have a guaranteed audience, including, but not limited to, teens, kids, students and grandparents.
The original 1974 cartoons of Hong Kong Phooey are scary, then you include the upcoming film and the 2001 Cartoon Network produced updated online Flash adventure featuring a buffed up, werewolf-like Hong Kong Phooey. This updated version "begins with Penry leaping into the filling cabinet and dramatically transforming into a muscle bound hero to take on a monster villain. This tough revision of the character features Manga/ anime styled martial arts action."
It is scary that anyone could do this to an established and popular character - it is still better than the Scooby-Doo! movie.
Winnie the Pooh and friends appear to be this years biggest cash cows. Every possible line of merchandise that is vaguely appropriate has been explored - I am waiting until Disney licence Anne Summers to do an 'adult' line of goods. But hopefully that will be too sick and twisted, even for them...
I predict that Disney will produce cuddly Pinhead toys to cash-in on the film of Clive Barker's 'Abarat', a whole new way of bringing hell to the masses, even Pinhead himself will not see this coming.
