Warriors of virtue: Return to Tao

Posted by Vicki on 27.02.05

My local video store has a habit of labeling any foreign-looking film as 'subtitled' regardless of whether it is subtitled, dubbed or in several cases actually made in English!

One example of the latter is 'Warriors of virtue: Return to Tao' which features the adventures of a young man called Ryan (who is suffering from an apparently invisible disability) who wishes to join the other kids from his school's football team. During an initiation rite, Ryan is swept away through a whirlpool to the land of Tao. There he is hunted by the evil Lord Komodo, who desires the boy as a key to enter the real world. Ryan is rescued by the protectors of Tao - five humanoid kung fu kangaroos - each possessed by the five elements and virtues.

The 'Roos' sounded intriguing as an antithesis to Ice T's character in Tank Girl, who instead of upholding peace and virtue was more interested in death and sex.

What the box didn't make entire clear was that all the events stated on the back of the box had already taken place in the first film, imaginatively called 'Warriors of virtue', and this was actually the sequel; by this point the five kung fu kangaroos had transformed into four non-descript people in face paint and one fat man in face paint.

Having already lost its biggest draw, the film then proceeded to demonstrate some overdrawn and unimpressive slow motion westernised martial arts, which mainly consisted of pushing people around to show how much stronger than them they are.

Given the film was financed by four rich Chinese doctor brothers and rated PG, it would be fair to expect that the film would be fairly harmless overall. However, one subplot of the film involved a physically and mentally challenged man with a shock of bright ginger hair, who spent some of the film searching for one of the Roos to get revenge for his current condition, and the rest of his screen time sniffing jockstraps.

I can only presume that this was intended as a slightly risque attempt at humour so that American kids could identify with their more traditional film fare. As it transpires it was just plain disturbing.

The obligatory happy ending was a sugar-loaded pile of incoherent mush whose one saving grace was its brief nature. 'Warriors of virtue' would have been infinitely more fun if it has been subtitled as then the dialogue would have at least been optional; although the lack of implied fighting kangaroos was a bitter blow that the film could never have overcome, even if it hasn’t been written by the gentleman wanting an excuse to bond with jockstraps.

The moral lesson from the film is that Blockbusters is staffed by people who think that 'Bring it on' is a classy film that truely depicts life, and that Van Damme films provide a ready source of brainless martial arts themed amusement that should not be overlooked.