All that glimmers

Posted by Vicki on 16.06.05

Recently I acquired a number of dubious 1980s and early 1990s actions films from a charity shop that reeked of death and mothballs. Amongst these were no less than four Steven Seagal films: he seems to be stalking me of late.

I accept that Steven Seagal films are not meant to be intellectual fare, that he will always look ungainly whilst inflicting martial arts mastery on the bad guys who are, inevitably, trashing the planet or his way of life, but sometimes he really outdoes himself.

Steven was suitably unbelievable playing an Italian policemen in 'Nico' and the plot made little sense to the cast - let alone the audience, the former being demonstrated by Pam Grier's look of mild confusion throughout the film.

Then I watched 'The Glimmer Man' and things quickly took a turn for the more curious. Steven plays a fundamentally honest cop who is forced to hide aspects of his mysterious past (and the piles of dead bodies) for the greater good.

Since the film is billed to be about a serial killer it would seem fair to assume that 'The Glimmer Man' would be the nickname given to the killer; instead it is explained about three-quarters through the film that this was actually Seagal's nickname when he was covertly killing people for the US government in Vietnam. This was because "there'd be nothing but jungle all around, then there'd be a glimmer and that would be the last thing you ever saw" apparently.

This would work perfectly if the film wasn't set in an urban environment where the closest Steven comes to dense jungle is the bamboo plant that might be dwelling in a corner of a restaurant he smashes up.

In defence of Steven's special brand of well intentioned gibberish that seeks to promote indigenous culture seemingly regardless of whether it is at all appropriate to the barely-functioning plot' the nonsensical nature of 'The Glimmer Man' is easily outdone by 'Alien VS Predator' on one simple point; whereby the first two Predator films emphasised the Predators were on earth during unfeasibly hot periods only to have the cash in film take place in the Arctic, where tropical temperatures are regularly reached.