Big Brother 6 part 1

Posted by Ric on 06.07.05

Big Brother 6 started a few weeks ago, and, having never watched it, I did not think to write about it. I have now seen it, and decided that it would be wrong of me to withhold it from you any longer.

In an attempt to make amends, I am going to write daily updates on the happenings of the house. Seriously - every day - it will be bookmark worthy. Be to read on a Friday: this is task day, where the house bet their food supply for the forthcoming week on their completing a ridiculous task - always good fun.

To allow you to catch up with events so far, I have compiled a brief synopsis of the housemates:

This housemate quickly established herself as the unpopular one. She did this in a two stage assault, first by announcing that she is by profession "a witch", and then by proclaiming that she always dresses modestly. (This is apparent from her decision to be filmed walking down stairs wearing a skirt split at the front to the groin.)

Her tactic to be quickly eliminated from winning £100,000 has suceeded. Elvis has now left the building, and you need no longer concern yourself with her.

The housemates were given a house with not only all modern amenities but also a jaccuzi. Being idiots, they choose to spend a substantial proportion of their time in a treehouse in the garden that does not even have glass in the windows.

By "enhancing" the image using special techniques I learnt from watching CSI Miami, we can take focus on a detail of the image at a higher resolution and from a slightly different angle:

Here we view through the tree house window from the garden. The black woman is animatedly explaining to the other housemates how she is going to kill them as they sleep.

To show that Big Brother is cutting edge television (cynics may say to temporarily distract from the lack of content), the camera inside the treehouse has a fish eye lens. However, to add to the confusion, the shirtless man is in fact lying on the floor. This is because he is wacky like that.

After entering the house like Cozmo Kramer from Seinfeld, Dr. Dre quickly established his street credentials with a cool handshake.

Dr. Dre is bad ass. He brought a cactus with him.

As much as you may struggle to believe it, all of these people are gay.

Wally is hiding somewhere in this picture. Can you find him? Without any sense of irony, orange woman told the nation that she is "a model and promotions girl".

Within an hour of entering the house, orange face girl was already concerned that she was going to be left out of all the excitement. A natural comedienne, she said with impecable timing, "Us here, right here, now, we're the crew, right? Everybody? Right? We're the crew, right? You will remember, won't you?"

That's her sitting on the left. For full emphasis, each time she said the words "the crew", she drew her hand back and forth like she was mixing. How I laugh to imagine her in weeks to come crying, "No, remember, we're the crew! We decided on the first night when we were sitting on the orange sofas!"

I watch even when the housemates are in bed, because I like to watch people sleeping. You could watch them to see if they do anything funny while asleep, like have a nightmare or wet the bed, though no-one has yet.

Big Brother 6 daily updates