Ed: a life-long victim:

Name   Edward William Colbourne.

Address   It's tempting but I will say he frequents Aberystwyth and Birmingham. Just ask around about Ed. You can't miss him.

Attributes   Large, pipe smoking man with curly hair and a posh accent. Partial insanity.

Current occupation   Student but past part time jobs include serving food to the Territorial Army and working at a football stadium.

Interests   Computers, Pornography (Ed is the proud owner of a 60GB archive), Elaine, Smoking, Drinking, Classical Music, Films, Politics, Doing 'the crab' and Poverty.

Favourite quotes   "Paul you are being evil... again"   "Good Lord, Im in love with her"   "Sorry...."   "Tally Ho!"

First meeting   Came back to get stoned, ended up leaving half an hour later muttering about the parish. We didn't see him for days.

Defining Moments   Quitting drinking and drugs with the aim of passing his degree. After four months he was back on the bottle, smoking weed and happy pills. I refuse to take any blame for this. Walking into a shower room which was filled with naked students kissing, only to be told to "Get out Ed" and everyone laughing when he told them. Spilling bong water all over a friends coat, much to everyone's disgust.

Pet hates   The Smiths, Stories about Elaine, Jokes about Elaine, Women having boyfriends and the working class.

Destiny   To rule the world from his armchair or to succumb to bitterness and go on a suicide mission.